The Social Aspects of Abuse: Silence

  The url for May The Stars Shine Upon You is rejectingthesilence.blogspot.com. It is about literally rejecting the silence. This aspect of abuse is the one we are actively working against right now. Thank you for being a part of this and reading our blog here. We have been posting about abuse in a social sense for a few posts now. We wanted to really address abuse in its full being. Silence encompasses more than one aspect of our lives and it effects many things.

  Silence has three definitions. The third is "a situation or state in which someone does not talk about or answer questions about something." It is that very definition that we seek to defy now.

   There a number of ways in which an individual can be silent about their abuse and abuse in general. Silence even plays a part in abuse itself.

  Silence in its traditional definition as a "lack of noise or sound" is often something that an abuser will demand of a victim. The abuser themselves might use the second definition of silence and use a "period of time in which they do not talk" to ignore or refuse to acknowledge their victim. This is an act of psychological abuse that is intended to make the victim feel they have little or no worth. Silence is integral to abuse in this way. It is essential that the victim either not give away or report the abuse for it to continue. There is no guarantee that reported abuse will end but it is considerably less likely to do so. These forms of silence are all a part of the abuse itself and we will talk about them more a little later in our communication and flashback blogs.

  This particular blog post is to discuss the types of silence that occur after the abuse.

•   Keeping the abuse a secret.
• This silence is the most complicated and yet simple to understand. Many victims are told that if they tell there will be consequences, such as physical harm or death for themselves or others. Their abuser will have instilled the idea that silence is necessary for their well being. This type of silence may also be due to extreme guilt or embarrassment and social stigma. In addition, this type of silence is the hardest to overcome. It is very much a part of the victim's mentality about the abuse and how the perceive society will view them..
• Omitting key details of the abuse or downplaying the abuse.
• This type of silence is most often paired with domestic and emotional abuse. Often it is hard to hide the signs of these types of abuse but the extent of it may be hidden this way. Abusers or caretakers of children might use this when in denial or as a way of putting off an investigation. This type of silence is a personal issue that the victim will need to work on. They need the strength or safety necessary to ask for help.
• Examples: A partner with bruises might claim that this is the first and last time they have ever been hit. A caretaker might claim a child fell or that an abuser's behavior is simply affection.
• Censoring responses to questions and personal history.
• This type of silence has a lot to do with how the survivor feels about their abuse. Some people prefer not to remember or share their story. That is their right. However, many people deny or do not mention their abuse rather than conveying that they have no wish to respond to such questions.This response is also common for persons who have not sought legal action or whose attempts at such have been unsuccessful. This type of silence masks how often abuse occurs. Many people interact daily with someone who has survived abuse but they may never know. We will discuss this type of silence more in the Communication section. It should be less about needing to censor and more about people learning to communicate their discomfort.
• Ignoring the signs of abuse in others.
• This type of silence is detrimental to our society. We live in a world of 'political correctness' - where it is considered inappropriate to make accusations, even if they are clearly justified. While no one should ever falsely accuse another of abuse, there are perfectly appropriate and legal means of notifying authorities about odd behaviors or injuries so that they may be investigated. The key here is to be familiar with the signs of abuse, to know who to contact, and to understand what the process will be. This form of silence is often more from ignorance than any outright negligence, although that might also be a factor in some cases.
• Passively responding to abusers and/or abuse.
• Accusations or admission of abuse are very serious matters. The majority of people know their abusers and they are just regular people within their city or town. Sometimes the abuser is a well known local figure or in a position of trust, such as a police officer or religious leader. It is not uncommon for the victim to find themselves being questioned excessively or doubted in these cases. The community at large will not want to find that their trust has been misplaced. This social issue is even more problematic in rural areas or religious institutions. Knowledge is power here. It is best to know what legally constitutes evidence in your area and what rights you have.
• Social and Political Silence
• This type of silence is the most impersonal of the lot. It is simply the general populace or governing body's unwillingness or negligence to update resources, laws, procedures, or penalties for abusers. There are many places in the world where abuse is understood and recognized but our legal and social systems have yet to catch up with the times. Social and political movements against things such as forced circumcision, rape culture, and domestic abuse, can often be seen on social media. They are signs that we need to readdress how things are handled. The best way to combat this silence is simply to stay informed and vote whenever possible.

  These types of silence are the ones we would like to largely work against. Many of these are perpetuated due to the stigma we talked about in our earlier blog. It is not considered the social norm to be a victim or survivor of abuse, although statistically it is very common. We can all work together on this by informing ourselves and learning to speak out for those who cannot, or are afraid to do so.

  In the last part of this blog post, I want to talk about what effects silence has on the abused and our society as a whole. Every type of silence here masks the true extent of this issue. We may never have true numbers on how many people have suffered abuse or how prevalent certain type of abuse are. The end result is that the abusers are still out in our general population. There is a good chance that you know someone who seems perfectly normal that has abused someone else. It also means that those who are abused are more isolated. They will have less people to reach out to, and as a result, feel more alone. The odds are much higher that you know a perfectly normal seeming person or several persons who have been abused.