How To Communicate: Survivor versus Victim

    This second communication blog is abuse specific. It ties very strongly into the Victimization post in the social section and to the sensitive topics portion of my last post. The social post discussed the difference between a survivor and a victim in general terms. Here we are going to look at what those words literally mean and why they matter as much as they do on a personal level.

  A victim is "someone or thing that has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else."  Please note that victim has no tense. It is a noun. The connotation being that a victim is someone who is weaker in some way and thus helpless.

  A survivor is someone who "remains alive or continues to exist." It is also a noun with no tense. The connotation being that a survivor is someone who is strong and overcomes obstacles.

  These words do not mean the same thing. Each person who has been a victim of abuse can also be a survivor of abuse. The fact that you suffered some trauma does not disappear simply because you learn to live past it.

   That being said, each person who has suffered any sort of trauma has the choice to be a victim or a survivor in a more general sense, it ties to those connotations. Each person gets to decide if they want to call themselves a victim or a survivor, and each person who talks to or about abuse gets to choose between the two. May The Stars Shine Upon You is about living beyond the abuse and becoming a survivor. The easiest way to start journey is to stop thinking of yourself as a victim. A victim is still under the control of their abuser, they are still 'weak'. A survivor is beyond that person's control and is 'strong'. The word you choose is one you will internalize and use when describing yourself.

  Why does this matter and why is it in the communication section?

    Because the words do matter. The words "victim" or "survivor" are labels that we carry within ourselves. We let it define us in some way, and we should be careful to note that these words do not mean the same thing. The media and many people are always going to refer to anyone who has suffered abuse as a victim. They don't worry about internalizing those words, but when you are someone who has been abused or talking to someone who has, saying "survivor" sounds stronger. It makes me feel stronger to hear that I have survived something.

    I do not want to be a victim, I remember what that is like. I remember being frustrated, confused, sad, angry, and hurting. I do not want to carry that label or state of being with me everyday. I am exchanging it for survivor. I want to be able to move past this, to recall it as a defining moment in my life, but to be more than the sad, scared, hurt girl I was. -D.M.

  Ultimately, this word choice is about setting a positive path forward for ourselves. It's about making that first choice. I refer to my abuse in past tense and I put my status as survivor in present tense. A verbal and mental divide. I hope that others reading this can do the same.

  I do apologize that this post is not as comprehensive as I wanted it to be. I had hoped that the simpler statement would come across best. Feel free to ask questions in the comment section if clarification is needed.