This section is intended to discuss the loss of safety and how that impacts survivors of abuse. It is more relevant to loved ones and those wishing to understand more about abuse, as many survivors are extremely aware of what safety loss is.
The introduction on Safety and Security defined safety as "a place free of danger" or " the state of not being dangerous or harmful." This will vary by survivor but there are some very obvious factors.
A safe place will be an area where the survivor is in relative control of their ability to leave. It will be free of potential triggers, including their abuser, and will allow the survivor to feel they have physical control over external factors. Depending on the survivor's mental health, a safe place may also be free of any objects that can be used to self harm, toxic people, or other anxiety inducing triggers unrelated to the abuse.
A survivor may feel that an area is no longer safe if they experienced abuse in that space, rendering the entire area a trigger, or if their abuser has unfettered access to that space. It is somewhat uncommon for open public spaces to feel "safe" for this reason. Alternately, survivors with intense emotional responses may avoid spaces where they last felt unsafe, even if the space itself was unrelated. This is similar to how a place someone cries in after a break up is associated as a sad place.
"I have PTSD which presents with hypervigilance. I find that unless I know all the exits, likely persons to enter a space, and what can be used as a weapon that no space feels particularly safe. Clothing choices can make safer spaces feel less safe, if I do not feel that I can run or fight. This means that I can feel perfectly fine going to see a movie in jeans but that wearing a dress would be entirely too much. I would feel too vulnerable. There really isn't a rational reason for this, as none of my abuse took place while I was wearing a dress. It is simply that I do not feel very safe unless I am locked in my own home, and anything that could make me more vulnerable outside of that space seems like an unnecessary risk.
It is to such an extreme that I have opted out of work events meant to honor myself and others, simply because I could not be sure what the layout of the room was and if someone would be able to come up behind me. I realize on a rational level that a room full of people being honored for commited work is an unlikely place to be attacked but I would feel so incredibly vulnerable that I would not be able to enjoy the event and it would likely make me physically ill.
I am actually worried that if I do not make myself go into uncomfortable situations sometimes that I will become agoraphobic. It tends to come and go along with my depression, but I will make myself get dressed and go get food outside of my house if I realize that the only time I have left is for work. I tend to be anxious and paranoid the entire time. Sometimes a loved one will come with me, and that helps, but occasionally I still ask to leave early or hide in the car. It makes me feel like crap because normal people can go grocery shopping, to lunch, or to a film without being so scared all the time. I honestly hate it. I wish I could feel safe in more places." -D.M.
No comments:
Post a Comment