This section on safety and security is intended to discuss the ways in which survivors can regain a sense of security after losing their sense of safety. It can be useful for survivors and their loved ones. Each person will have a unique experience as they seek to regain a sense of security, simply because the loss of security is incredibly personal.
In the previous posts on safety and security, we have gone over the ways you can feel unsafe and what way security can be regained. This post is about the emotional and mental tools one can gain to move past the fear and build security.
There are many types of therapy available and personal work one can do to help move past trauma. Research is being done on a variety of new therapies that use various substances to aid in therapy such as ketamine and mushrooms. The exact combination of therapy and perhaps medication that works for one person may not work as well for another. It can be a journey. (I talk about my own journey with medication in the Vlog: A Chat About Med Changes” - DM)
The most common therapy that people with severe anxiety or hypervigilance seem to get is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which focuses on thought patterns and building in tools to cope with those patterns or problems. This is different from therapy to process trauma which may utilize EMDR.
“I found a therapist who was an excellent fit for me and my particular constellation of symptoms to work with when I finally gave in to needing therapy. The goal was always to add more tools to my personal toolbox so I could move through my emotions to be functional.
One of the biggest tools was learning to step back from my emotions and work on rationalizing out my anxiety and fears. There are days it works better and days it doesn’t work very well, but keeping perspective that my feelings are valid but not necessarily a true reflection of reality is important. We have a saying in our house - Your mental illness is lying to you.
It helps to remember this when I am feeling particularly scared, whether its of myself or the world around me. When my brain says “You aren’t safe.” I have to reply “Why not? Explain it to me.” and more often than not we get into clearly irrational levels of unlikely scenarios.
There are risks to leaving home but the odds of those risks are low. I am far more likely to get in a car accident than attacked by a strange man while looking at strawberries in the grocery store. That being said, the realistic risk that each person faces depends on their location and society, but the ability to rationalize what is a realistic risk and what is not helps me decide if my mental illness is lying to me.
And if I am being lied to it. It makes me want to prove the liar wrong. Spite gets me through what stubbornness has not. Sometimes that means telling my agoraphobia to fuck off because I want to see my friend and sometimes that means just getting out of bed to shower. Because you know what… ptsd likes to tell me I am not worth it and that I'm failing but I am worth it and I am not failing. My level of success is not measured by what others can do but by how far I have grown on my own journey. I am here. I am alive longer than I though I would be. And most days… I am HAPPY with my life.
My mental illness is a liar but I can use my rationality to help me move past those lies and that is the greatest tool I gained from my self work and therapy. The ability to rationalize the fear and make decisions based outside emotion.
Well that, and working past my fear of medication. ” - DM
Therapy can be a great way to learn new tools but it is not the only option. Therapy can be difficult for some to access for any number of reasons. There are some excellent self help resources if you want to start on this journey.
Some of the most amazing resources allow you to access workbooks, toolkits, and guides designed for mental health for free online. Mindremakeproject.org and Mentalhealthathome.org both maintain lists of free therapy workbooks that can be accessed online. It may take a little time to look through their lists to find the resource that is most applicable to you.
“Technology can be an amazing tool for self help as well. I use the Calm Harm app when I am struggling with self harm ideation and an EMDR app when I need help calming down. There are also mood trackers to help you spot patterns and build healthier habits.
I do still advocate for therapy but the work you do on yourself and by yourself can be just as important to your healing journey. - DM”
